“The first and foremost instinct of humans is neither sex nor aggression. It is to seek contact and comforting connection.” Sue Johnson.
Our optimal state in relationships, is to feel connected, secure and loved. Sometimes our relationships can start out this way, and throughout time, certain stressors, i.e. parenting, job loss, death, affairs, can begin to pull us away from feeling connected. Competing priorities show up, and time and attention gets rerouted from the relationship to other priorities.
For example, some of the reasons we were drawn to our partner initially, i.e., "I loved his extroversion," can shift to traits that drive us crazy, "He always needs to be the center of attention." Whether you are early into your relationship and need support in some skills, i.e. enhance communication, or have been in a relationship for decades and need support in breaking unuseful relational patterns, couples therapy may be for you.
Our partner relationships are a modern day version of our attachment relationship to our parents. We typically re-enact familiar patterns, therefore a secure and loving relationship with a parent can inform and inspire a secure relationship with a partner. For many of us, our early attachments had an insecure dynamic, therefore inspiring a partner relationship that can be insecure, anxious, avoidant or ambivalent. I use an evidenced based modality, called Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) which helps identify our attachment styles, helps us understand our problematic patterns that hijack our ability to attach, and most importantly help us create the bonds and connection we all crave.
In addition to EFT, I also use Terry Real's Relational Life Therapy.