Welcome to Stacy Saindon’s inaugural blog, think of it as a Love Lab, a controlled container to experiment with new self-discoveries and breakthroughs. A safe + cozy place for you to practice loving yourself and others. You + Them = Love Forever!
Quick intro: I am a middle child of four sisters, a wife of 23 years, a mother of two daughters & two poodles, a motherless daughter (now turned mother-ful daughter). I also am a licensed marriage and family therapist, a certified EMDR therapist, Grief Support Specialist, 200 hour Registered Yoga Teacher and a Reiki Master. All of this basically means that I see myself as a grief tender, an intergenerational legacy healer, a trauma integrator, a love, peace + hope broker, a joy cultivator and a body-mind connector. I believe relationships are medicine and its magic gob smacks me every day. I am fascinated by energy + the power of love and am in the beginning stages of integrating energy medicine into my practice-more to come this year.
Happy 2025 (my family and I have an over/under on when the cut off is of wishing people a new year, oops I think I'm over...) How many of you do new year’s resolutions? How is that working for you? You may be one of the 80% of people who abandon their resolutions by mid-January. And if you're in the 20% who are still working on them-good for you. My only hope is that they were created and pursued with the utmost self-love and self-compassion. Note: some people love their resolutions, and the dopamine hit by completing goals. That is perfectly fine, just pay attention to your why and your how. If your ego is driving the bus and you use self-loathing + self-harm as a means to move towards your goals, not a great long-term strategy for health and wellness. If you are a "no pain, no gain," type I just want to give that younger part of you a big hug and tell them "Honey you are so dang loveable, worthy and enough-just the way you are, there is nothing you can do to earn worth and nothing you can do to lose it, just like your fingerprints its imprinted on you forever. The End."
Back to resolutions, why do most of us abandon them? It’s not because we are without skills, will-power or discipline. It’s because many resolutions are made from the misguided desires of our ego. They start from the premise that who you are is not good enough and that happiness depends on acquiring a future thing we do not have now. Our brain latches on to what we don’t have and fixates/thinks about that. If our resolution is “I want a new job,” our brain hears "I have the same crummy job." If the resolution is “I want a partner,” our brain hears “I will be alone forever.” A gentler (and more productive) approach is to come up with what’s called a Sankalpa. It comes from the radical premise that you ALREADY ARE everything you need. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, we unearth what already is there within you. Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz had to go through ALOT to figure that out, let's bypass the flying monkeys and get straight to the wisdom.
Also, we often think of the new year as an opportunity to re-invent a new you. What if we switched the lens, maybe we just need a “knew you.” A remembering of you. A calling back home to you. A reclaiming of what you already knew all along.
What exactly is a Sankalpa and how do we create one?
It means a vow to your highest truth in Sanskrit. Steps:
1. Quiet the mind and listen to what your heart's desire is telling you. If it's a new job you want, then what is it about a job has meaning for you? What will this job provide you that will connect with your heart's desire and be for your greatest good? Maybe it will give you the opportunity to travel, to have financial freedom. Through meditation and willingness, we can cultivate what is our innermost call. Dig deeper into your values and what you truly desire in your life.
2. Act of turning in and welcoming the messenger. When you hear the call, you need to be willing to invite it in, sit with it and reflect on it. If the desire is to travel, what is it about adventures that is calling out to you? What is it about freedom that's your battle cry?
3. A call to action, be willing to do what the heartfelt desire is requiring from you to do. It may be to remove blocking beliefs about yourself or getting yourself out of your comfort zone or asking for help networking to find that new job.
We write the Sankalpa from the present tense as an I am statement. If the desire to have a new job is really about traveling because you love new cultures + languages + food, the Sankalpa becomes "I am adventure, I am freedom."
Here's another example, "I want to lose weight" is a very common resolution. We can see this is an ego-driven goal (and a conditioned response from a society that links worth and weight together, more love lab work on this theme in a later blog). Ask yourself what's your heart's desire around losing weight? Maybe you want to be more abled-bodied to play pickle-ball or experience the joy of chasing your kids, grandkids or pets, maybe you want to move with ease in your body without pain. The Sankalpa could be "I am able, I am joy, I am play or I am ease."
Once you've spent time connecting with what highest truth is, make a vow to it, make a commitment to relentlessly pursue it. Do what it takes to chase, scan, create, track, court, flirt, seduce it. Be consistent, but not constant, we're going for progress not perfection. On the days you don't have the moxie for it, that's more than ok, that's human. Give yourself permission to take days off and give yourself permission to get back on too. And fine tune your inner coach or inner comfort figure, "Honey, that's ok take a break today, you can get back on track soon, you're crushing this human gig, I love you buddy!"
Life can be so darn serious, and sometimes it needs to be, but for now have some fun with your Sankalpa. Give yourself permission to tap into your heart's desire + your greatest good + your core Self.
And remember this new year isn't a new you, it's unearthing the "knew you," the known you, the loved + adored + treasured you. The you that is perfectly and wonderfully worthy just as you are. The you that is whole. The you that came into human form from source whether its the image of God/dess or the magic of star dust. I am so glad you were born! The world really needs you now.
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